Sing Strongly in the Sunlit Shadows

“Caregiving is a constant learning experience.”

“Being loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone gives you courage.” 

Watching our parents age and knowing the support required to provide them with the assurance of their comfort – physically and mentally – can be a remarkably daunting task.

Once adult children see their parents as those needing care themselves, the shifting roles defy family dynamics. The distress of a rapid decline begin to accelerate in the mind; while simultaneously thoughts of an extended, unknown future also resonate. What will be their living situation? Will there be enough financial assistance and emotional guidance to effectively route the road ahead? Most importantly, how can their fears be eased?

As the child ages, the parent with character evolves from being solely a nurturer to a new role as mentor. The recipe for this relationship shifts and takes on the characteristics of a friendship. Here, nestled in a lifetime of memories is a new way of experiencing our parents.

Over time, parentification occurs, which is when parents look to their children for practical provision, rather than providing it. Hereafter, the child becomes the guardian. When that child has been raised correctly this transition should be navigable.

Western cultures have traditionally been labeled as ageist societies who undervalue their older adult populations. Eastern cultures are recognized for their more accepting view of older adults, placing them on a pedestal of wisdom and respect. While this may apply in some cases, I have borne witness to many instances of wonderment, while watching dear friends and family enrich the days of their aging relatives.

I recently entered this phase of life – where roles and norms have been turned inside out, right-side over, and bottom side up. There are moments when it shakes you to your core, but usually a clear plan and a strengthening temperament steady the course.

Including our maturing kin in the process helps the transition. As Mr. Serling once said, “There is nothing in the dark that isn’t there when the light is on.” Yet too often we keep the aging in the shadows of their fading sunlit scenes, when if we embraced these challenges the arduous tasks would be surmountable.

And, during the seemingly hopeless times, it is imperative to convince them that even on the days when the song in their heart does not seem to be present, they must sing anyway.

Did You Know? Nearly all older adults (98%) stated they get some health-related benefit from music, most often stress relief or relaxation.