All I Want For Christmas Is An Explanation

Ghost of Christmas Present

(The following interview took place at 10:41 am, on December 15, 2024, in an undisclosed location. It was conducted for the sole purpose of satisfying our curiosities, in light of recent events.)

The Pear Tree Project: Thank You for taking time to hover with us today. Let’s get right to it – why the Garden State?

Drone: Well, I have always been a fan of Taylor Ham, egg and cheese, as well as Frank Sinatra, The Boss, diners, strip malls and of course, the Jersey Shore. However, I do believe Bon Jovi is overrated. Lastly, the proximity to the boogie-down Bronx is always appreciated.

TPTP: Why now?

Drone: I enjoy this time of year – the blinding illumination of quaint neighborhoods, the excess eggnog, the jolly merriment on main street America, and the overconsumption of goods.

TPTP: Understood – so the topic on everyone’s mind. What are you here for?

Drone: Good question! Honestly, I’m not even sure why. Haven’t been informed yet.

TPTP: Hmmm, ok. What is your favorite Twilight Zone episode?

Drone: The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street. Truly cannot get enough of that Rod Serling, especially when he taps into paranoia, dangers of scapegoats, fears and suspicions within communities, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

TPTP: Do you prefer Potato Leek Soup or Broccoli Cheddar?

Drone: No soup for me!

TPTP: Do you travel solo or in clusters, flocks, herds, or gangs?

Drone: I’m not much for membership dues or commitments, I like to fly alone.

TPTP: Do you ever get lonely?

Drone: Lonely? Nah, this circus you call media coverage has kept me pretty busy with the buffoonery.

TPTP: Everyone is dying to know, how do you stay energized – AAA, C batteries, lithium polymer, charging station?

Drone: Now, hold on a second, I can’t tell you everything!

TPTP: What is on your Spotify playlist?

Drone: I have some holiday treats on there. Big fan, big fan of the “Mele Kalikimaka” tune, as well as anything and everything by the Thompson Twins. Just as long as I don’t have to endure “Wonderful Christmastime” ever again – I will be fine. Paul McCartney really annoys the sh*t out of me, almost as much as Taylor Swift.

TPTP: I hear ya brother. What are your future plans?

Drone: Perhaps a Broadway show. I hear the “Outsiders” is impactful and can you ever hear “Do it for Johnny,” enough times – are you with me? Also, I would like to try a couple of those seven fishes and spin a dreidel before the holidays come & go.

TPTP: Can we find you on Facebook or Instagram?

Drone: The short answer, no. But I am working on my fish face.

TPTP: Any New Years resolutions?

Drone: Definitely want to upgrade my single rotor to a multi, (chicks dig robust rotors). Also, I would like to be more consistent with lubricating my propellers, and read more.

TPTP: We want to extend our sincere gratitude for taking this time with us. Any closing thoughts?

Drone: Thank You for allowing me to share. Now I must get busy, busy, busy completing my holiday shopping.

Did You Know? As of October 1, 2024, there were 791,597 registered drones in the US, including 396,746 commercial drones and 387,746 recreational drones. The global drone market is expected to grow to $166.7 billion by 2031.